Nothing thoughts

After putting Evelyn down for the night, I found myself with some time alone. Jake was still at school  for a meeting and doing some extra school work so I took advantage of this alone time to just simply think. I don't know about you but I do my best thinking while in the shower. I turned on the water as hot as my skin could stand it and just let my thoughts come out. It's been a long time since I had some time to myself to just think about nothing. For the longest time my brain was always thinking about work, getting home on time to make dinner, *or look in the fridge to see what I could quickly make*, making sure I had quality time with Evelyn, making sure Jake had enough time to do homework, who's watching Evelyn tomorrow, work, getting laundry done, keeping the house clean, *as much as I could anyway*, and making sure Jake and I had some quality time before my eyelids got heavy on me.

It felt so good to just close my eyes and think about nothing. Can you even do that? Think about nothing?

Our decision to finally have me quit and stay home full time has been a huge blessing to our little family. Yes we have had to make some sacrifices. A lot. But I've already seen the blessings that have come from it. I have been able to string myself back together instead of always hanging by a thread. I'm turning into the "fun one" instead of Jake...although I don't think I will ever be the full "fun one".  Evelyn is daddy's girl to a "T". I have had more time for scripture study. And more importantly, I have had more time to be the only thing I've ever wanted to be. A mother. Thank you to any of you who have helped us in any small way to get to this point. I feel so blessed to have the friends and family that I do and to be so near them all. Being a mother is the best thing ever. 

Sometimes...

found on pinterest but couldn't find the link

I feel like this after a long weekend, that was never really long enough to begin with. Working part time, trying to keep the house clean, making dinners, taking care of Evelyn, making sure Jake stays alive....the list goes on and on. And I fall short a lot of the time, but one thing that having a baby has taught me is to slow down and that you will never get everything done on your list. At least if your list looks like mine. 

And I'm okay with that. 

What do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror?

I was being interviewed for a blog and was asked this question. At first, the only answer I had was, "I never really have time to look at myself in the mirror. I throw my hair up, put on a little makeup, go to work, come home and play with my family." But as I have had more time to think about this question, I realized something. When I look in the mirror, my hair is usually a mess and neglected. I just got my hair trimmed and the last time I had it trimmed was before Evelyn was born. My makeup is never perfect and nearly gone by the time I settle down for the day. But when I really look in the mirror, I see that my hair is a mess because I have a little girl who loves to play with it. And my makeup is usually gone because of so many kisses from my hubby.

When I look in the mirror I see a woman who is loved.

Looking back

First time holding Evelyn

This past week I have been watching videos of little Evelyn when she was first born. My goodness she is growing up. I have loved being able to watch her little personality come out. She is such a curious little girl and I love watching her experience things for the first time. The past couple of days it has been raining. Well I took her outside while it was just sprinkling and anytime a drop of rain would fall on her she would look up at me, smile and laugh! I just wanted to push pause and live that moment for a while.

She's become quite the lover of water. Anytime I am holding her while turning a faucet on, she turns towards the water and reaches her hand out to touch it. She loves bath time and usually by the end, I have had a bath as well with how much she splashes. It's so much fun.

She really has filled the hole in our lives. Not that the hole was a bad one, or a big one, but she has filled it and made our lives even better. I feel so humbled to be a mom, to be capable of bringing precious little children into my life. I think we all need more of them in our lives. To be around them. To learn from them as they learn from us. I have already learned so much from Evelyn. Babies are born with a need to be loved. To be taken care of. And there's nothing else in this world that I would rather do.

What being a working mom has taught me

Some days are harder than others. Today was one of those days. One of those days where I didn't want to go to work and just stay home and play with baby e. I called Jake this morning to see how she was doing and heard her chatting away in the background. I knew right then she had her favorite stuffed animal in her hands and was telling her all about her morning so far. She loves that teddy bear. It made my day to hear her little voice. Jake and I, (like always) live for the weekends. It's my time to pretend I am a full stay at home mom and spend time with my little girl. I treasure the weekends. Don't get me wrong, I love love love my job. I love the people I work with. I love talking with my patients.

But I love my little girl more.

Being a working mom has made me treasure every second I get with her when I get home. Even when she is being fussy. E-mail can wait. Blogging can wait. Chores can wait. Cooking can wait...(sorry Jake!). Being a working mom can be hard, yet also rewarding. So hats off to you working mom's. It may not be the way you wanted it at first, some of you may not have a choice, but you do it because you love your family. I'm so grateful for Jake's hard work, plowing through school as fast as he can so I can be a stay at home mom.

A new light

One thing I always look forward to around December is all the festive lights. I could stare at them all night. In fact I sometimes do. Jake and I were so excited when we got our tree that we put it up super early (for me anyways), and placed the lights and ornaments on right away. Jake and I will sometimes turn off all our lights, turn on the Christmas tree and just sit on the couch, wrapped in each others arms and stare at the beautiful lights. Sounds a little silly I know but we love it. Yesterday we spent the evening with Jake's family and were able to deliver a tree with ornaments to a lady in their ward. She hadn't gotten a tree yet so we as a family got a tree and ornaments, went to her house, sang and brought it in for her to decorate. It was so fun to see her so excited. A light just lit up around her, as a light lit up within me.

It's easy to get caught up with your own problems and trials you are facing. But every time I do service I forget about my troubles, and focus on other people who could use my help. A new light turned on within. The light of Christ. It reminded me of all that I have and how I need to be grateful for that. How there are so many people who are in worse situations than you are. How Christmas is about giving. Not receiving. I have been so blessed to have grown up with amazing examples who have this light of Christ and who are constantly going out of their way to help others. I hope that I can take what they have shown me and put it to good use. Not just during the Christmas season, but always. I'm constantly thinking of things that I can do to better myself and be a good example for my soon to be little girl. Like I said I was blessed with so many wonderful people that taught me this, and are still teaching me this. I hope my little girl will have similar examples of these type of people in her life.

Thank you Wright family for being one of those examples for me!

A trip down memory lane

A dear patient of mine was able to stop by for a little visit a bit ago. She has been dealing with cancer and is finally in remission! She looks so good and it was so exciting to see her so full of energy. We chatted for a while, talking about our chemo stories, baldness, throwing up and etc. I told her the good news and she asked me if being pregnant brought back any memories of going through chemo. I laughed and told her definitely yes! In a way, I feel going through chemo has prepared me quite well for pregnancy. Yes it sucks throwing up and feeling nauseous but this time around, I don't mind it. It kind of reassures me the baby is still in there and things are going well! Secretly I always get nervous right before I go to my doctor appointment, thinking they are going to tell me I miscarried and that I am no longer pregnant. Am I the only one that is this paranoid? 


One thing that has also brought back memories during this is the small things that I am constantly thankful for. I love that new outlook on life and I feel being pregnant has renewed that for me. I feel I need to have that outlook on life more often. I remember going through chemo and being so grateful when I could hold something down for longer than a couple of hours. Now I'm grateful for when I have one day that I am not feeling nauseous. But I would go through all that and more for this little baby. I don't even know if it's a boy or girl yet, but I love this little baby already!

True Happiness

I think sometimes I forget the part that I play in this wonderful plan of happiness. Sometimes you get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of work, money, life, that you forget the simpleness of it all. We don't need to make our lives busy. We just do. But then you hear stories like these and you remember. I am a child of God. I am more than my occupation. He doesn't care what my job is, how much money I make, how great my grades were, any of that. Just that we remember this simple fact. We are all children of God.

In the works

In about a week-ish, Jake and I will have been married a whole year! I know, it's a pretty big landmark. Sometimes it feels like it has gone all too fast. Other times it feels like we have been married forever! And I mean that in the best way possible folks. Like I can't remember my life without him. You know when your parents only have to look at each other to know what the other person is thinking about? Yeah we have had a couple of those moments and we think it is the coolest thing. Ever. I have recently been going through all our photos and videos to make a slide show; and as I have been going through them I realize we have done quite a lot in our first year of marriage.

We have moved quite a lot. We have laughed quite a lot. And we have captured quite a lot.

Quite the opposite

You know when you have those moments when you see the cutest, and I mean cutest baby ever and you get baby hungry? Well I had quite the opposite of those today at work. It pretty much cured me of wanting kids. Lets just say that when I have kids, I hope they don't act like that at the dental office. Ever.

Lovely

Can I just tell you how much I am digging this weather?
It's hard when you work in a third floor dental office with a lot of windows to see
all the happy people running, biking, or walking their dog.
I wish I had a dog to walk.

Maybe one day.
Jake and I do want a dog....maybe a Lab perhaps? A golden one?

Went to go look at some mattresses today for our apartment and I got this silly urge
to jump from bed to bed. Am I mature enough to get married?

Yes I am!

Heavens No!

I was grocery shopping today, and while standing in line I about lost my patience. This poor mom and her three extremely hyper children. One was climbing on things and running around, another was wanting everything in the store and would throw a tantrum if they didn't get it. Another was yelling, "mom, Mom, mOm, moM, MOM!" over and over again.

Two thoughts passed through my head at this moment.

1. Some people's children!
2. H no are my kids gonna act like that and get away with it.