When Heather asked me to be a guest blogger I felt honored and surprised. I guess sometimes I forget I'm a mother because you take on the role so easily the second they put that little baby into your arms. Well maybe not the exact second they put your baby in your arms. I know that for me, holding my baby was what I anticipated for my whole pregnancy and the truth is that when they put my Anna on my chest right after she was born I was in shock. I was thinking, "That baby came out of me? Really?" I was hoping for some grand moment where I just knew she was mine and that I loved her with all my heart. But honestly, I was just worried about her health, my health, and I was in so much shock that I survived childbirth. Once I recovered from the whole ordeal and Anna was cleaned up and brought to me though I knew that she was mine and that I loved her more than anything in the world. I didn't even know that I was capable of loving someone so much and I continue to learn about my capacity to love and it grows every day.
During my pregnancy I was worried about the dumb little vain things that every mom worries about. Will my baby be cute? Will she have hair? Will she like me? I really tried not to dwell on those fears because I had much larger fears that were more important. My biggest fear during my pregnancy that I still fear today is if I will be the person she needs. I want to be a better person for her. As a teenager I kind of lived my life however I wanted. I didn't really worry about preparing to be a mom someday. So now I am trying to change and become the mom that Anna needs. I am a work in progress everyday and some days are better than others. I don't always manage our lives very well, sometimes I lose my patience, and sometimes I just make stupid choices. The best thing at the end of the day though is that Anna still loves me and forgives me whether I was a good mom that day or not which gives me what I need to just keep trying and keep going on with life.
And although life can be hard sometimes the hard times are worth all of the rewarding, wonderful, amazing moments that I have with my daughter. I love the way that Anna gives me kisses right when I need them. I love that we get to be best friends and play together all the time. I love when I get to snuggle her at night and when we take naps together. I love that I get to teach her new things every day and that I am her favorite person in the whole world. There are so many cherished moments that I will never forget like the first time she smiled up at me.
Speaking of my most cherished moments-the best moments with Anna when she was a tiny baby happened when I was holding her. The best advice I have for a young mom is to hold your new baby whenever you can, don't leave your baby in the car seat at church or at home. Your little one will grow up faster than you think, and once they are big, they don't want much down time to snuggle with mom. You will love every second you get to connect with your baby. And although you want all the time to yourself don't forget your husband needs alone time to connect with your baby too. I underestimated my husband's ability to care for Anna but he has always been completely able to watch her and he needed the time with her too. Another piece of advice I have is to find time for yourself. Struggling with self-esteem and the weight loss after my baby was much easier because I made sure I took time to be alone to do something I enjoyed every week. If you can find 2-3 times per week to focus on you and nothing else you will be happy, rejuvenated, and a better mom. Lastly, don't be afraid to admit that you need your own mom's help! I have never relied on my mom so much and I have never been so grateful for her and all she did to raise me growing up. Being a mom is the greatest thing in the entire world, every day might not be spectacular but I guarantee that everything you endure will be worth it.
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