Decisions

These past couple of days have been really hard for me for some reason. Everything in my life I have had planned for a while. I never really have had to make a hard decision because I just knew what I would be doing. Well lately a mission has been entering my mind. Constantly. It occurred to me about a week ago that I could be turning in my papers in 3 months.

I about had a heart attack.

I didn't think it was that soon! Now for the longest time I have said I was not going on a mission. It just wasn't for me and I honestly don't/didn't want to go. If I'm gonna go it's going to be because I truly want to. Or I guess if I find it's what the Lord wants me to do. I have had many wonderful examples of women in my life who have gone on missions and have said it has changed their life. My mom, many aunts, friends, and a cousin who is about to leave. I can already see the change in her as she prepares to leave. I feel like there are so many signs that are pointing this way or that way. I could go on a mission. I could get into the dental hygiene program. I could meet a very special guy. I can do missionary work where I am right now. There are so many ways this could go and any of those would be great! But just picking one kinda messes up everything else. So it needs to be THE right one. I was so certain about my life and how it would be. All the pieces were put together. I know I need to ponder things and ask my Heavenly Father, but honestly....I am afraid of the answer I might get.

Oh heaven help me.